What/who do I want to be?

Planning ahead for an obscure future is always easier than being faced with life-changing decisions. All those fluffy plans are all good but you've got to pick ONE of them when opportunities come knocking at your door. And that time is NOW for me.

I've had awesome opportunities come to me, with a chance to work in different fields and different work environments. NGO, Ad firm, small print org, big action-packed print org and finally, a broadcast channel which is arguably the best in the country. And honestly, I've wanted all of these. One by one, as I finished working for each, I realised this is not what I want to do. They were all internships so my attitude was fair enough. But now that I'm about to start a proper job, I need to figure out what I really want to do. Like the REALLY-want-to-do kinda feeling has to come.

My boss said something today that got me thinking. "A job is a tool for self discovery," she said. So true. Being at **** Entertainment has made me realise that I don't care much for these filmstars. I mean, sure, I'd be interested in their love affairs and scandals but only when I chat with my friends or meet colleagues for a drink. But to do that for a living is a bit of a stretch.

The problem is, it just seems un-meaningful most of the times and completely ridiculous at others. I mean seriously, how interested is anyone in the launch of film trailers and actors launching luxury watches(that's the kinda stuff I've done in my first week here, fyi). Even otherwise, isn't the whole entertainment sector a little redundant to the society? Or is it not?

Maybe I'm just looking at it in a very skewed way. I've always wanted to do something in food, fashion, lifestyle, travel kinda work. So, ideally, I should be with the lifestyle channel. But what would I do there? Only the creme-de-la-creme of anchors host their shows (the likes of Paras Tomar who walked into office the other day and I couldn't help but steal glances at him- I've had a crush on him since he started coming on air!). So, I'd probably be in planning and whatever else in their shows. Not interesting enough.

So all the pluses add up here. I've always wanted the social life and creme contacts, which I'm going to get here. A job that teaches you something new and makes you interact with interesting people everyday- that happens here too. The fact that I'm with the top-of-the-chain entertainment channel surely helps in adding the intelligence factor to it all. Plus, I still get to be a journalist- albeit of a different sort. Writing can keep happening once I have this life figured out. And, most of all, I can keep this job going along with my "maru" life. Although I will have to live in Mumbai and be with an open-minded, encouraging guy who doesn't see my career as competition to his. But to find a guy like that in the maru community is a big challenge. I know I'm thinking a lot but this is my entire life that shall be altered with this one very important february.

So, yes, I like this job. I enjoy it. I just feel it gets a little ridiculous at times but then, that's life. It cannot be all perfect. Even with crime and hard news stories, I'd feel bored most times. It was certainly more interesting but a LOT less fun. And definitely not something I can do all my life.

Hence, I shall give this my best shot. This weekend shall be a weekend for soul searching.

With that, I bid thee adieu. Have a happy weekend.