The urge to curl up

I feel like curling up and disappearing into my own world.

And I feel like travelling, going to places I've never heard about. So life can challenge me, make me who I should be tomorrow.

Or maybe I just feel like curling up emotionally and disappearing somewhere so that no one else can affect me, hurt me or get to me. I crave non-chalance. I crave to curl up.

PS- All this on a day when I'm drowning in work. Maybe it's the blasts from the past or maybe it's the work pressure. It's probably the final dissertation deadline for tomorrow.

PSS- The picture totally defines how I feel right now.

Disillusioned or not?

Here's the part I don't like- the part where I feel lost, lonely, hurt, disrespected and worst of all- disillusioned. I have always been the girl with the faith and the excitement and that because that's the girl I've always wanted to be and liked being. But now suddenly, life seems a lot more blah. Destiny seems like bull shit and love, poems, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and surprises seem fake.It's almost like the beauty of the things I've always believed in is fading. Like the concept of love was really created by ad men like Don Draper to sell nylons; like hugs and kisses don't mean reassurances of a happily-ever-after about to happen; like people don't know how to deal with emotions-theirs or other peoples'; like it's all make believe and one day everything is going to fall apart, whether we like it or not. I'm feeling cynical and I'm hating it.

But then, in spite of all this, there's this part of me that says it was the wrong person, not the wrong feeling. That it's true- falling in love, being swept off your feet, singing songs to each other, having the feeling that when no one stands by me, he will, wanting to spend tons of time together, not having enough of each other, sweet kisses and warm hugs, regular days together and special surprises, and all of that. That some people leave so that others can enter. That God does have a bigger plan for you than you can see. That may be I'm "ascribing cosmic significance to a simple earthly event" (from 500 Days of Summer). Yes, I think that's what it is. Like in the movie, it's not the emotion that's wrong. It's the person who you felt it for that makes it wrong. Because when it's right, it'll be better than all the happy memories that haunt us today. It may not be as dramatic as waking up one day and just knowing it from the inside. It'll probably be the gradually-realising-living-life-together-is-the-best-thing-that-happened-to-us thing.

Yes, I like it better that way. It's real. It happens. Just that it's true when you're with the right person. Until he comes along, there's no reason for us to change, for us to lose faith and for us to be disillusioned.